>>> bitter-laughs

didn't get a wink from 1 am till 9 pm on 29th juNe.. that's like 18 hours without sleep!!

kai lost her ez-link card, smsed me during exam..--it vibrated loudly girl!!
nvm, not a big deal, somebody's even rang..

last day of exam, supposed to feel happier,

unable to laugh still,
another day without stupid idiot, mi life lacks something.


>>> dope

i'm plain moronic. i'm so SCREWED. nothing is going into my head.

I WONDER WHY I TOOK GEOGRAPHY EVEN...

AND I WONDER WHY AM I ONLY STUDYING 5 HOURS BEFORE EXAM.

AND I CAN STILL BLOG HERE... WTF..

I'M ANGRY WITH MYSELF...

IF I CAN'T DELIVER..what can i do, just strive harder for promotional exams LOR...

somebody save me. i wanna be smart--and i know that's not gonna happen within few hours.

at wee hours like this, i'm so glad that my little sista MARTIN is still online.. @ 4.43 AM!!
at least i'm not alone. he's trying to show me what he've learnt--that going to poly is his opportunity cost.. wth... -_-''


-dull, dense, dope-


>>> hectic, i need a break

i was so dumb to be fooled by the clock. luckily dad was there to call me up.
clock showed 9.30am.
continued to sleep.
i woke to check the time.
it shows 9.30am again.

i didn't suspect a mechanical error, i was just glad that it's still nine-thirty. i'm stupid.

i realised after that it's already 11.30am. dad gave me $100. thought it's my pocket money, turns out to be $ for A levels exam fees-$93. so i'm short of $20 cause i used $27.5 to buy concession. this month damn broke.dad gave me extra $20 to last till this saturday but i spent it all yesterday on pasta. i'm a good spender, poor saver.

talked to Zhu Wen and Zhixiang before exam started. told zhu bout my tennis plans. he another one, unsupportive. he laugh at me, say i can't run. wtf. i'll tell zhixiang next time. he's a better person hahas. at least he don't laugh at me. zhixiang talking bout joining project superstar, i said ok. he said i'm so 'on'. yeah.. i am hahas. and zhu said he would like to see someone like ashika play the drumset, i was like -_-''

took chinese exam. malu. i just disgraced myself by asking a stupid question. it's paper one and i'm asking the teacher do paper 1 or 2 first. don't ask me why i'm so stupid today. it's just brain damage symptoms.

went home with xiang and zhu. talked bout chinese paper along the way. lame. everybody is lamenting bout the paper. u should've seen the faces on those people. worried faces. i'm finding things like this comical. i'm so sadistic. i'm so ruined. my character is disappointing me.

saw shu qi at bus stop too. she too is very worried, she's talking bout chinese and math and how she would do badly in it. but i didn't laugh. hahas.

went home, elder brother and younger made me laugh like hell. they're just so disguisting.

elder bing picked his nose. he asked mi to get tissue for him. i was like ''NO!'' he picked somemore, initially it's just wet mucus on his fingers, then i could see the yellowish thousand year dirt he dug out of that hole. *yuck* i had no choice but to take tissue for him.

i went to toilet, took my time. bing yelled," the pi-sai is drying up!!" i laughed my butts off in the latrine. he threatened to put it on my pillow if i do not make it faster. hahas!! disgusting. *yew*

my everyday life with brothers are fun--a little out of the odinary though.

>>> anxiety creeping round' the corner- i ain't really affected

tomorrow 's Chinese exam. Clement smsed me at 1am asking me which topic to study. a little too late isn't it? -_-''

just finished doing powerpoint presentation for dear couz Shuai Quan. had a msn chat with 21 yr old couz long long--he drives, so handsome. deciding on whether to take up tennis together in yio chu kang. decided that i go check out time and fees.

told stupid idiot about tennis plans. he simply laughed at me. he said i was too pig to go for trainings. i'll prove him wrong. cause' i'm no longer fatty bom bom... *laughs*. and to think i was teasing myself about being a 'little fatty' yeterday . besties Jan and Cassie pointed out it was an oxymoron. i was boasting bout my gift with language. it was totally bimbotic except that i think my brains are bigger than the boobs.-- what a way to put things.

i realised my choice of words recently are horrendous. terrible.
best example--bimbotic.
usage of phrase also suck.
example-- brains bigger than boobs.

haven't got english fashion out of me since monday. i have to stop speaking english for a while. i replied to chin-nah people like my brother in english when he spoke to me in mandrin. so weird. this friday is Chinese A levels oral. it's no laughing matter. people wish me luck.

i hope i will not utter a single ," then..." in chinese oral exams... i'll go bang the wall if i did.

gotta study geog now. ta-ta..




>>> brain damage

took $10 cab to school. almost late. idiotic brother turned my alarm off @5.55am sharp. woke at 7am instead. i'm angry.

reached school. lethargic and feeble body makes steps heavier today. saw economics paper. i suffer from brain damage. hopeless. out of those 80 marks it's a miracle i get a 10 marks back home. we'll see. hope the teacher be generous. if it's possible i'll bribe. but u know i can't.

cassie's having bad hair. she cut her fringe short. she can't pin them down. too much frizzy hair.
she's complaining bout economics paper. she forgot my existence. but she'll realise my importance soon. she'll feel so relieved she's not having grades like mine.

reached home @ 11.45am.. check friendster and stuff. getting lamer each day. craving for fried chicken. mum cooked her home made kentucky. stupid idiot finished exams and didn't inform me. i feel so disrespected.

tried to watch tv. don't watch tv nowadays, lack the appetite to digest visual images. i find no more delight in comedies. teles make people stone and grow retarded over time due to under usage of brain cells. my brain's dead already.

back here blogging. i'm bored. wish there's no such thing as sleeping then i wouldn't ingulge in a sinful sin like this. waste time. i'm sleepy. *yawns*


>>> look at the time people, i'm daughter of superman

>can't sleep.
>disturbed by pain in stomach.
>addicted to blogging.
>fear of tomorrow's Economics papers.
>frozen by 2 hours in 16 degree celcius room with naked skin exposed directly under air- condition.
>grieving for myself over possible red ink splashed onto my flunged papers.
>withstanding the pressures of tomorrow's disheartening questions i am unable to answer definitely.
>looking back into the past when exams are chicken feet, when exams are disregarded as of upmost importance.
>reminiscing the sweetness of yesterday's memories
>dreading the thought of struggling to wake up for school
>loathe the thought of exams and another day without stupid idiot.

i wished i wasn't existing right now. selfish and unrealistic. i'm totally immersed with the idea of metaphysical doubt--questioning human existence in this world. Of which i have yet to fathom.

i wished there's no such thing as love. then it wouldn't bring pain.


>>> arrival of block tests

i realised i'm getting rusty, very.

first question on literature:
write a commentary passage on Antony and Cleopatra's principal chacracters.
ANSWER : i'm done for.

2nd question:
comment on the irony and form of the language used in the prose, at the end of it point out features typical of 20th century writings.
ANSWER: i need the Singapore casket's number.

3rd question:
compare and contrast the two poems below one by William Shakespeare and other by blah-blah
. then comment on how far does either give you a further understanding of the other poem.
ANSWER: remember to send wreaths people.

i turned to the front most page lastly, at the very right hand corner it states "the duration of this paper is 3 hours...."

P.S don't forget to burn hell notes for me as well....

i was stuck. i was like ,"shyt!!".

it's not the end of it all, another 3 hour paper in the afternoon, 1-4pm.. General Paper and comphrehension.

come relish the good taste of a ALL-ENGLISH AFTERNOON with me!!

i felt as if i was drained of my entire 16 years of vocabulary into the 6hours english papers, like a sugar cane being squeezed of it's lifetime concoction of sugar cane juice. (if my lit teacher was around he'll kill mi, what a poor metaphor.) hahas!! i'll tell him i'm not william shakespeare for a reason.

i could see that as i write, my writing yellows (it's rusting away) okay, that's another poor imagery. the entire A4 sized paper faded into chrome and then a dullish copper, giving it a antiquated finish similar to that of rotting cow skins people used as papers to write on few centuries back when papers have yet to be invented. --i'm getting bad at descriptive stuff. but i deserve a "good effort!" stamp on my blog later on. *smirks*

whatever... the blocks just suck to the core. and i know i'm not gonna do well cause i didn't study! i'm back to my old habits of slacking living the life of a pig.

had terrible runs in the afternoon, must be due to the sucky duck rice i ate. but it could also be due to the seaweed + kway teow noodle + tuna sandwich + green apple juice and sunkist lemonade with aloe vera . think my meals today comprised of high fibre content ( esp green apple juice + lemonade+ aloe vera) and too much of it spelt trouble. i just recovered from a series of unfortunate stomach-flu days.. my doctor asked me if i'm having a weak stomach. i'm like duh??! i took MC from the same guy for stomach flu thrice and he's asking me that redundant question. -_-''

i was moaning and groaning complaining about my stomach and my runs. nobody seemed to care. Bing Zhe said," why should i pity you?" my dad went," too bad, we ran out of medication." my youngest brother was like ," oh u so poor thing..." and he became my maria for the day. but apparently he didn't help much except that he made me realised at least in this beastly world there's still a kind lamb at my beck and call.

the pains did not cease even i rested for like 4 hours on the couch. stupid idiot was preparing for exams and i dare not disturb him. =( hope runs goes off tomorrow. i don't wana skip exams.

weiloong's back yesterday. i received my NYAA sliver booklet. i'm considering a tennis session for the physical recreation section. still procrastinating.






>>> surprise!!

22nd ~23rd june 2006

found out some little secrets, i was damn shocked..

no. 1 linda got married at age 17.

no.2 linda got pregnant at age 17

no.3 betrand -the-rat got some girlfriend kinda rumours goin on

no.4 kevin, rat's best friend actually revealed it to me

no.5 actually rat get shy at times.. haha...

went to MOS burger with jing jing on 22nd, didn't study but that was the primary aim of it. i ended up playing a all-time favourite vintage game-- puzzle fighter by capcom. and was watching her sims 2 game chacteracter make out and make love. that's the first time i'm seeing it. i went totally dumbfounded. went home at around 9pm?? wow, that was late.

23rd was worse, met up with stupid idiot and we ate a large 10inch hawaiian and some seafood mania fusilli.. *drools* was a damn satisfying meal cause' the kitchen people were generous on the mozerella. the cheese went so tangy and chewy. and also because the person eating it with me was stupid idiot. hahas. *blush* then jing jing came along. i don't understand why stupid idiot and jing became so shy all of a sudden. wth.

stupid idiot went off but kai wei took his place. went to swensens for jing and kai's dinner. they ate chicken and fish and chips. boring. they didn't have my favourite ice cream cake in sliced portions. they just didn't have it at the moment. i was totally sad., someone buy me for my b'day.. !! =)

>>> ''suah ku'' day

24th june 2006

2 am in the morning i'm still awake!! wahaha... i realised how much i don't know. i'm such a ''suah ku" i can't change blog skins which i still didn't manage to master the technique to. my god brother yong cai helped mi change it... what a lovely fellow he was.. haha.. i had to call him up and he have directions and slowly i was getting the hang of it. yeah.. kinda fun. i tagged ashika , ros and blah blah. thnks to my brudder!! yong cai 's so amazing. he's taking up driving lessons now. hmm maybe in a few months time i can get a lift from him or something. wahaha...(save on taxi fare) hahas!! kidding.

stupid idiot promised to go study with me finally!! haha.. yeah...!! but he said to go study at 9 am when he's not even awake then. i sent him a sms saying, " i thought somebody wanna study from 9 to 5 pm today." i think i provoked him,.. sleepy men are angry men... haha!! he called back and said, " do you always want to pick up a fight when nothing's happening?" i shut up and he went back to sleep. haha.

at about 2pm, i went to study with him. he was like so sorry bout what happened, explaining stuff to me. hahas. -_-''. we laughed the whole incident off. then we can't study together lah, he just keeps disturbing me. and i know why can't i study with him. because i'm his problem. he just can't leave me alone. then he starts to tell me funny stories and writing chinese chacracters on my notes. oh god, save me. but he's just so fun to be with. *smiles*

and i realised he's done NYAA bronze brefore. i 'm damned surprised someone like him actually did that. it's simply amazing. he's amazing. (i'm doing sliver now)


>>> scary movie -silent hill

20th june 2006

went out to orchard. then tampines mall with jessica and yee koon. call chung keat if he wanted to catch a movie with us, he said he got duty so he couldn't come. he wanted us to watch tomorrow instead but too bad, i won't be even available to kai and stupid idiot, how can i be available to others?? i asked chung if he'd watched "Silent hill" . he replied, " don't tell me you guys are gonna watch it." i was like "we're watching it" then he was like " i hate you guys..." . i was like ~~la la la~~. hahas.

i was feeling so depressed throughout the day. stupid idiot dosen't care. he didn't bother. i didn't eat at all. he didn't ask. after silent hill i was scared. i called up stupid idiot. stupid idiot was frustrated for a damned reason, i kept quiet. *he was never there for me-- go to hell u stupid idiot*

after that i went to meet stupid idiot. he laughed at me.. =( he told me, " i wouldn't pay $9.50 for a stupid show to scare myself." i was like "wtf" hahas.


>>> i'm finally happie for once

19th june 2006

stupid idiot's not working, but he's sleeping !!! i waited for his call. sent him sms from morning till 4 pm.. he's still sleeping!! i was like ---> -_-'' totally dead. i've never seen such a ('@') like this before. OMG.

i decided to do something constructive. that is to study. i looked for jing jing, she's too tired from all that work and school stuff, she needs some rest. chew's out. puikheng 's out too. my friend's in pasir could surely make it but i couldn't be bothered to go so far. my jc friends stay too far away too. stupid idiot is the best option but he's sleeping so nevermind, in the end i went to play Uno-poker game with my little brother.

Uno-poker is an amazing game in which u use Uno cards in place of pokers. 1 as Aces, reverse, skip and +2 cards as picture cards and zero as 10. it was damned fun. so enjoying because u had to play in terms of Uno but speak in terms of poker. eg. the game ''the-big-two'' thingy, when u read out your full house as king-king-king-four-four, you're looking at three +2 cards and two 4 cards. it's what makes the game comical. my brother and i laughed like hell. =)

haha... stupid idiot had to treat me to food. we went to sakae again!! yeah. today's bill went higher. not my problem anyway. hahas.. there's this desert furatu thingy i forgot how to spell is hell nice. we shared one and i felt like having the whole ice cream to myself wahahaha!!!

>>> down on luck

18th june 2006

No.1 wei loong my only 24-hour round the clock avalible confidant went to thailand.

No.2 my msn caught up some virus thingy Yi Da sent.

No.3 my dear friend chew theng was unable to make it to our study camp cause of some personal reasons of which is inconvenient to disclose.

No.4 i realised this when i was studying on my own-- i'm really rusty, my memory's failing big time. i can't even remember well the 7 major plates of the world which is the south-american plate. the north american plate, the eurasian plate, australian-indian plate, antartica plate, pacific plate and lastly erm, i can't remember-- you get what i mean?? i can't remember simple stuff like that!!! i had to look at my notes to tell you that the last plate is actually the african plate.. i'm a failure. *sobs*

No.5 i'm suffering from insomnia. disturbed by some things i shouldn't even be thinking of.

No. 6 there's a horror on screen tonight, i've scared myself trying to dare myself to watch it. it was kinda stupid but there's the 'umph' factor to it. like it's exciting to watch horrors alone that kind of thing. after the whole thing u could actually tell yourself '' i survived through it, i'm so proud of myself'' but actually i cheated a little on this part here cause my dad was awake and he watched it with me for a while and cooked me a really nice meal at 4 am in the morning. i can't sleep!! he too..

No.7 my fav pants was bleached from a grey to cream colour. all thanks to my mum.. there goes my abercombie and fitch pants. she's so cruel!! i'll ask her for my $ in return. i'm so damned angry!!

No.8 think thyat's it.. no number 8 .

>>> hello!! i'm back...

17th june 2006
Was invited to Heart of God church. i was so saved. saved from the kingdom of boredom. saved by chew theng!! before this i was so damned deperate for company. stupid idiot was tied down by the coming exams. stupid idiot couldn't accompany me!! stupid idiot gotta study. u could almost see the faint trace of abrasions brought about by the tight manacles he was wearing the day before. the shackles of educations 's so irratable. humph..!! *sighs* i'm also another pathetic victim of it. *sighs louder*.

was going through a rough patch recently. a really rough one. i had no directions in life. absoluetly no directions. i would sit around the couch watching at the tele. i'm not watching any shows on tele. i'm just merely looking, staring blankly at it. i'm fearing the exams myself, however there's no motivation to study. after slacking for 2 full years, i'm just plain lucky for the 'o's last year. pray hard that i get promoted to JC 2 this year. because i doubt i can make it again. i doubt i could be so lucky for another time. *sighs*

i was late for service. again. chew theng and i sneaked inside like a mouse would when it wants to steal some cheese. sat down. pastor preaches. after like 2 hours, it ended at 6.15pm. chew intorduced me to the people there. then we had to catch a movie at 7pm. thanks goodness we weren't late. went in a gang of 6 if i didnt remember it wrongly. with erm.. chew, me, zhi ya, wayne-a small little sec1 guy, candy and the other one i can't remember. we watched Runaway Vacation...!! okay, the movie i wouldn't say it's very nice, but worth paying a $9.50 for a good laugh. hahas.. i was rolling on the floor bacause the show was totally lame. bout this good father trying to save his job while not letting their kids and spouse know. kinda heatrwarming as well....

here's the best part. chew was asking if i wanted to go study and i was like '' yes!! i wanna do it..!!'' for so long i've been searching high and low and above and below and underneath and wadever that is, just for a study mate but it seems like it's a mission impossible kinda thing. and now that mate is coming knocking on the door asking '' hey wanna go study??'' guys, u wouldn't understand that kind of feeling .. that overwhelming sense of happiness-- wad betrand-the-rat calls ''euphoria''.

chew 's like a god-send sis, coming to my rescue when i most needed it. and i thank her for that. =)
okay i really want to put my heart into studies.. but there's a barrier within me. i keep telling myself studies is the only priority in life for now, others can wait. but i've come to realise that i have a weak determination to everything i'm supposed to do and in contrast, a ridiculous zest for things i'm not supposed to do like drawing stupid idiot's attention and just wanting to live life staring into space. people call me lazy, i call myself an autistic.

the dea'ls been made for chew to come my house for a study camp. =) *winks* i'm gonna make a change. and i think only myself can fulfil this sacred job.


>>> fret , wet, dead



She idolised me, i was her emotional pillar. i talk to him almost everyday, he knew all my secrets, he is my best friend. They were the best people i've ever known. i wished i would have stayed on longer to take take a second look at every single soul who have touched my life, but when i looked down, i saw nothing but trees and paths and people. it was a neighbourhood teeming with many people. i spotted a family of five. mom, dad, two boys and a girl. they were enjoying themselves then. The girl had a terrible laughter and she was fat. but everybody loved her for that. I smiled because it made me think of the past when i was just like her. in another corner, i saw a girl receiving flowers from her guy. she just couldn't stop herself being happy for that. i was amazed to see that such a simple act of love from the guy could make a girl feel so blissful. i hoped i was her.

i turned my attention to my phone. i gave him one last chance to apologize. whether is was his fault or not does it really matter? why is he still so adamant bout it?

i waited.

three minutes passed. i'll give him more time.

five minutes passed. i'll give him more time.

an hour passed. i think he is busy, maybe he have yet to take a look at the sms i sent him.

two hours passed. he doesn't really care does he?

three hours passed. okay, that's it.

i took off my shoes and placed them nicely by my side. i turned to my left where my little apartment is and waved at it. i thought of my dad, the greatest people of all. my brothers who accompanied me walk through the different stages of my life. i miss them and will miss them.

i climbed onto the wall that has been seperating me from the open space for years.i leaned against a pillar. looking again at my handphone. he really didn't bother. i felt a drop of tear against my thigh. i contemplated the majestic sight. but i wasn't satisfied. i didn't want all this. all i want is him to stand right before me and tell me things i'd like to hear from him. before i knew i was crying for him.
my legs were hanging over the wall. all i have to do now is to summon enough courage and strength and my job is done. i don't know why am i hesistating. why ? Just then i heard my handphone rang.

it was him.

at first he shouted over the phone. then i shouted over the phone. we shouted everything out. finally i said sorry. he said it too.
by right i should forgive him. i did. however i don't know why my heart is still aching. and i am still crying....

i peered down. i still think maybe i should go ahead with it.
before that, i sent him, '' when sorry is unable to heal wounds anymore, it probably means that everything is over . i'm sorry. i love you."

she jumped.



>> this story have yet become a reality.. but it might be afterall

name:apple mei


wishlist
birthday's on 21st oct..thanks people..*smirks*

l.MP3--at least 4gb and no CREATIVE please

2.a brand new wardrobe( packed with new clothes)

3.wait till i think of stuff

lastly, a stupid idiot 24 hours available for me...



February 2006;
March 2006;
April 2006;
May 2006;
June 2006;
July 2006;
August 2006;
September 2006;
October 2006;
November 2006;
December 2006;
January 2007;
February 2007;
March 2007;
April 2007;
June 2007;
July 2007;
August 2007;
September 2007;
October 2007;