:)

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

>>> Struggling to pass promos

who wants to go study?

with me of course. it'll be a ~~pleasure~~ honour. for you and me.

pleasure seems very suggestive here. we're big kids now. you know exactly what i'm talking about. don't pretend folks.

and we're going off track. i'm asking,

"who wants to go study with me?"

just give me a call, my cell phone number starts with 9.

just joking!!

but not joking on the study part. for those who know me, please give face. i'm serious this time.

{ go to hell } 8:44 PM

>>> it was a dark, dark day...

~~hello friends? where are you?~~

a call of folly, out of helplessness, because of you.

it's raining again...

{ go to hell } 6:01 PM

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

>>> unloaded

i am a relieved soul.

went to paSir Ris yesterday for meet-ups with jessica, yee koon and han.

very fun people.

then met up with stupid idiot.

i poured thoughts out.

glad that u agreed to compromise. =)

i am grateful for that effort you tried to put in today.

you'll never understand that kind of euphoria which swept over me.

and i see the change in you.

not because you have to,

because you want to.

i am deeply touched.

a commendable performance put up by wei xin and martin today. Well done xiao dI!!

got to know a bunch of people, jamie, jeslyn, and some people from 113 also going to the China trip. yeah! love ya people. !! cannot pang seh! i'm in group 3!! and thanks people for taking me in. Love ya.

of course most importantly, I love U too..

{ go to hell } 9:54 PM

Sunday, August 27, 2006

>>> The Decision

i had to decide upon something.

THE FINAL RESOLUTION.

i can't explain all these,

i've seen just too much to come to my conclusion:

You don't care.

i told you last night,

one simple phrase with carry a heavy meaning to it

i wonder if you understood.

i only have the capacity to cry once more.

anything more than that would mean the end of the world.

ash told me once, " the guy who loves you won't make you cry"

i strongly agree with this.

zanny's nick's this," don't regret the things you've done, but regret the things you never did"

i should tell you the same thing.

you apparently have taken almost no interest in me although u claim you do.

show it to me.

show me i hadn' been wrong in my judgement.

and like i've said," sometimes saying sorry is not enough"

i've heard enough sorries.

please expose me to something new.

something which i've always wanted.

and that's something you never knew.

{ go to hell } 8:22 PM

>>> pictures of sentosa outing!!

our retreat : ugly construction behind

tadmidzie, looking cool with e guitar

that's kai, jing, ME, ting and li fen!!

smiles in the water

tadmidzie stole e limelight from shuai, no wonder he wanted to pull him down, loser

They said this was romantic, those little tootie peeps, SO BAD!!

sand bathing mao, ming and shuai, we made shuai and qing boobs!!

the transvestite, male and female with sea plant as 'e bushes' yuck!!

stacking up the people with me on top. i'm in paradise...

Group photo!! too bad, some left

looking out the bus

cousin shuai Quan, so cute!!

{ go to hell } 8:19 PM

Saturday, August 26, 2006

>>> Sentosa Fun --- our very 4m2 gathering!

i was late again! hahas. as usual, so i had kai to buy me 3 sticks of prawn nugget from Old chang kee, so after the "nugget meal" i was so nugget sick. i'd stop eating nuggets 3 years down the road.

took 963 there. i boasted about not having to pay adult fare. i think kai and jing so jealous. joked on journey to Sentosa. reached ard 12pm? the gang was at Palawan. Siloso too crowded.

i was so enthu that i swam with tadmidzie across the sea to the opposite platform. YEAH! FIRST TIME! but i was a slow swimmer (lost touch) and tad paced himself for me.

we climbed up the approx. 3 storey high building and only saw many many ships. saying the view ' is majestic' is an overstatement. nevertheless, we witnessed a ang moh couple getting married by the beach in a sort of open spaced restaurant. IT WAS SO SWEET! i swear to myself then i am gonna have a romantic marrage, though i know it's 99.999999 % impossible. i'm clinging on the hope of the other remaining 0.0000001 % which is absurdly pathetic.

i then played frisbee with the guys. kai and jing later joined in seeing i had so much fun. so so fun.. ! i had a few minor abrasions from brushing against sand. and i bled... but it was nothing. i am absolutely laughing so much that anything else didn't matter.
next was soccer ball-volley. some had no idea of how to hit it at all. wtf. hahas!!

i heard from the guys my cousin shuai intended to push me into the sea. but fortunately he did not. Heng ar !! but he teamed up with mao mao and xiu zhen and splashed me with so much sea water. i surrendered. my fellow girls only watched and found humour in this whole water battle between 3 hunky fellow and a weakling trying to overcome the forces of evil--the weakling has got to be me. and it's not fair
! i cried out. hahas. jing did help me though. but girls still lost.

the guys went farther into the water and they played a game. each had to take turns taking off his pants. shuai did. and waved it victoriously into the air, boasting to us girls that they dare! we just laughed at the silly games boys came up with. humourous peeps they are.

then it came sand bathing. shuai, yiming and mao the primary victims. three in a row. shuai was the female, we took some sea plant and put it on his groin and made a zee cup breast for him. gross i know. but every moment here is bloody intoxicating. yiming was the guy so we made balls and planted a stick facing upwards. mao was half this and that so he got a little sea plant and balls. WHAT A FINE MASTERPIECE?!!

it's not all, they decided to 'prettify' our 4m2's work. zhong lin and xiu zhen came in between the both of them. bury bury bury.... and then, they suggested me to lie on top!!! they were like, 'okay'. i just simply laughed at this atrocious prospect of being able to flatten the guys out with my weight and take revenge for bullying me just now.
when i tried to lay down, i was certain i pushed them real hard down into the sand. but i was having fun being buried together with those peeps. i think i unintentionally went on top of zhong lin's little feet, i could feel his toes fidgeting in the sand. hahas.
and TA-DA! the master piece was finally done!

saw my primary school friend delia a cashier in 7-11. coincidence eh?? then we played a little while later before showering and soon on our way out of sentosa. by 6.30pm, jing had to go off first so byes! we had lunch in the hawker cerntre in harbour front. the food suck. Hui ting wanted dessert in hougang mall so we decided to go there!
and guess what? i saw MARTIN! i called him out and hahas, i scared his mother by doing so. -_-''.

then home sweet home at around 9.30pm
------------------------------------------------------------------
we had a little tiff. our bond was brittle. u finally said that thing i would never want to hear and never thought that you would say. but later on you wanted me to forget everything about just now?? you are afraid of something yet you still brought it up. i guess someday i will just give in to your wishes without protesting. JUST ANOTHER TIME, I WILL NOT PROTEST ANYMORE, YOU WILL HAVE YOUR WAY, AND I KNOW I WILL SUFFER. BUT IT WILL ONLY BE A SHORT WHILE BEFORE I REGAIN MY FREEDOM ONCE AGAIN. you will live in misery in time to come if that ever happens because u'll soon realise i was never anything like you perceived to be. because you are transformed and is blinded by emotions. emotions which you are struggling to fight. emotions which if you are willing to battle you will overcome. but u simply sat there, waiting for me to save you. but i can do nothing except for just being there. but you would never understand unless you can overcome your weakness and do it yourself. i will disappear from your sight someday, maybe. but i'm just not leaving yet because i know u can't fend for your own. i will stay to guide. until i decide it's time.

{ go to hell } 11:12 PM

>>> blessed

yesterday was so cool.watched the 2nd round of competition. they're pretty good. my confidence halved. got to know who's chern hui. she's so adorable. nice girl. helped out with teacher's day prezzies and went to sun plaza with zhi xiang.

then watched My super ex girlfriend. Wow. how i wish i had super powers. then i can have everything i want. heh heh. Keng guan would love this show. cause he'll feel so 'powerful' after watching. hahas.

i felt so so weak, and darling i was so gladful that you were there. the floor was calling for me, but you were there to catch hold of me. i am blessed, very.

{ go to hell } 9:55 PM

Thursday, August 24, 2006

>>> totally screwed up big time.

I cocked up at the very first word. I sang the wrong lyrics. I managed to get back on track.

My voice trembled ferociously; I was shivering on my insides because of the extreme cold. Before that Martin lent me his jacket, however im sorry to say that it was of little help to ease the chill. It took me some time to regain my composure, however I was too disturbed by my faults I made. I was sure I made funny faces -- I grimaced, not because I cannot reach my high notes, I did that out of uncertainty and as a signal of my lack of confidence. I hope it wasn’t obvious. Though im sure it was.

After the singing, I ran to Martin and Zhi Xiang. I was so scared to lose this chance. I found comfort in the two of them. Still, I was shivering as if I was thrown into the Antarctica. Zhi Xiang, Martin, Wei Xin, and everyone was there to praise me. IT WASN'T ENOUGH. I went frantically around the auditorium for familiar faces asking how I did up there on stage. They could detect my nervousness in my singing and pointed it out. I was like I'm doomed. Nevertheless, they assured me I sang well.

I'm still terrified. Fear that I won't get into finals. Zhi Xiang's singing impressed me. I almost cried because it was just so touching. Buddy, don't worry about anything. I have confidence in you. Martin, you too.

{ go to hell } 9:06 PM

>>> i'm falling apart

Thank you Zx for taking the effort last night in making sure I got my music for the competition today and going the extra mile by burning it into a CD for me. Love ya for that.

you know that i'm unhappy, you know what i was going to say next. you can read my mind. you promised a movie outing to compensate for your abscence these days to fit into my tight schedule on friday. but i really don't bother whether you make up for it or not.what i want is your availibility whenever i need it. i've given you my time. i hope you can do the same.

watching click is not a must. IT'S YOUR MUST.

i rather you buy me a whole set of hong kong serial and we watch it at home. i prefer the cosiness rather than appreciating an extragravagant $20 for 2 hours in a freezing cold theatre.

chinese singing competition is a mere 15 minutes away. i am nervous.

you have given me your blessings, but i'm not contented.

{ go to hell } 4:41 PM

>>> it's you whom i hate

Feeling super cranky today. I'm sorry my friend but you didn't manage to impress me at all. You're always getting on my nerves. I get heated when u take away my colour pens. please buy your own. you got the $$ to eat 24/7 you don't have $$ to buy pens? i can share with anybody else but you. I'm so darn angry with you for not letting me play the piano for another second claiming we're late for classes when the teacher himself was late. whenever i talk to my chinese friends you always pull me off from them. who are u? my mum? you're forbiding me from talking to my CHINESE friends? fuck you.!!!! I get frustrated for not bring your own notes and…I always harbour the bloody intention of asking you to fuck off, and get out of my sight.

I am sorry but the very sight of you just irks me. You know why? because u bloody never respected my views and always have something to counteract it. i told you i feel like my tummy has become smaller as a result of me doing my sit-ups last night.

u bloody tell me, " it's scientically proven that sit-ups make fats go to your bum.''

fuck you. show me your proof. even that's the truth, it sounds DUMB.

i'll never share things with you ever again. i doubt you even realise i detest talking to you. so i kept quiet most of the time. =)

{ go to hell } 4:31 PM

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

>>> damsel in distress!!

nah..i'm joking .. i'm no damsel, but maybe i am, in the eyes of his.

maybe life would be a breeze if not for the last minute request for me to play the piano for teacher's day. if i'm not up to it, Sarah, kindly take over my position for i am just an amatuer. the score i got was entirely different from what i hear in my Elton John's collection. maybe the scores are much too simplified. i made major amendments to the introduction of "your song" but the job is far from complete.

however i thank Zhi Xiang, and Rebecca for thinking so highly of me. but music is something too complicated for my shallow mind as i have lost touch over the years ever since i quit it. and i am terribly depressed to have wasted so many years of teaching, not out of my own desire though.

But i still will give it a try. there's no time for mutiple tries. A live piano playing ushering music i will deliver. hope i can get all the assistance i need.

i feel the world closing in on me. i've never felt more stressed.

tomorrow's singing competition. i have my voice with me. but i don't have the music they require. Zhi xiang will help me with it, hopefully, things will go as planned.

soo much to do, so little time. math test today sucks.

you didn't ask about it, i hope you will.

{ go to hell } 7:31 PM

>>> beasts of burden

the cows were munching a feast in the meadows. they seem oblivious of their surroundings, still, they know their purpose in this world. Milking for the need for calcium intake of homo sapiens, they carry heavy weights, they copulate and reproduce. then we take away their children for their meat. We're not cruel. we did that as a mean of survival.

to survive, we have to abide by the rules of survival. if not death is the only alternative.
(Death is our opportunity cost) -- joking.

---------------------------------------------------

To make myself known to him, i tried almost everything. but it was never effective. i hoped i knew what is my purpose like the cow did.

i hated your nonchalant attitude. but u are still as attractive, to my surprise. am i degrading myself or am i just too into you? whichever the case is, i surrender.

i will never step onto the mouse trap you've set. it's much too painful to even go near it.

{ go to hell } 6:20 PM

>>> Life's A So Doku

There are many things beyond our limits of apprehension, some of which I attempted so hard, but still, impossible to decipher, especially in the case of fathoming the mechanisms of the human heart. All our thoughts and feelings are all weaved tigether with much complexity, sometimes you can't even tell from anger and disappointment. Or maybe it just comes to you as a whole. And feelings are FREE, even cheaper than things u buy in pasar malam. Thus when it comes to you , it arrives as a package, like a buy-one-get-one-free, or maybe a $1 for 3 deal, like a bundle of anger and frustration u get on your doorstep whenever u are irritated; entirely because you don't really have to pay for it.

However, the dire consequences from not controlling the evil notions surfacing as a result of improper anger management is expensive, for that, u might spend the rest of your lives paying off this debt.

Fortunately, I have yet done anything out of rashness for revenge. My conscience is semi-clear. It's not anything proud to boast of my wrong doings anyway.

People are insidious at heart, more or less, and most of the things you hear along your adolescent years are outrageous and unrealistic, even though they are an illusional fantasy we all want to mimic.

"I love you FOREVER," he says.

The key word is not 'love' but 'FOREVER' . who can give you eternal commitment at this point of time? I was promised not only once, but many times, all of which was nothing but a void promise. My bad encounter with fantasizing in fairy tales slapped me back to reality. I learnt lessons the hard way.

All of us live in a world of our own. Some prefer Earth, they enjoy the companionship here. Some prefer mars. I myself seek to Venus, where I find warmth, love and beauty. Some, unconsciously, landed on Pluto-- the ultimate planet of darkness and isolation.

The controversial virtues VS vise question. I answer, "We're not perfect."

Despite knowing the primary meaning of that very statement, I still pursue perfection. This is a conventional inclination of people to seek idealism.

"Looks are merely secondary," I hear her say. But then when a normal looking person come by she does not appreciate, only when the dashing hunk asks for her hand she immediately agrees to it, ceteris paribus.

"Money is not important." But there seems to be a very clear cut on the wealthier and poor. The poor have been marginalized but the richer denies the discrimination act.

Everybody deserves the Hollywood's best actress and actors prize. Hypocrisy shadows each of the unreal claims, revealing an ugly society manifested with intelligently fabricated lies.

I am living proof. So are you.

{ go to hell } 5:26 PM

Sunday, August 20, 2006

>>> wasting life away

mid night talks with stupid idiot.
read literature book, the Guide.
hopefully can manage another POP QUIZ.
can't guess Mr Sng's next move. so i got to be vigilant.
oh well. mapling to DESTRESS.

BUT THERE'S NOTHING LIKE LYING ON MY COSY BED TO KNOW THAT IT'S HIM ON THE OTHER LINE.

{ go to hell } 2:28 AM

>>> i deserved to be gun-shot.

i'm sorry that i didn't tell you my whereabouts when i 've expected you to do the same. at this point of time i ought to be with you, however we're to know our priorities and that simply means that we've got to be seperated for a little while. it's a short period, however we both have come to realise it seemed to take eternity. Nevermind that. we will overcome it, together. you can be miles away but the tele allows no barrier to come between us.

i'm glad that u understood how i felt and forgave me. i appreciate that very much.

you're not perfect, but thanks for making the effort to change. i've seen a vast transformation in you. you're always my good boy. and i'm always with you. do think of me. let me be your motivation to change for the better rather than those damned people and condemnations. do not get upset over little things . be overjoyed when i send you messages full with love.

next month we'll go somewhere new. somewhere both of us have never gone before. it's a surprise i've planned. don't worry it's not gonna be a ghost mission trip. i know you'll love it. =)

{ go to hell } 1:47 AM

Saturday, August 19, 2006

>>> ZX, MARTIN, K BOX, loong and everything

schooling yesterday. =)

pop quizzes on literature kept all of us off guard.

threatened teacher for a chinese chacracter i didn't know how to write.

rushed antony and cleo's essay.

skipped PE lesson-why?... it's a girl's thing. LATE WORK.

scribbled on commentary for english comprehension. LATE WORK.

FUN WITH ZHI XIANG AND PEI RU......... AND MARTIN.

but he ZX have to go off for ushering duties halfway.

so sad.

pianist for teacher celebrations? i'm not sure if i'm up to it.

singer for choir. sure can do.

a follower whole day long behind me. i'm not talking to 'er.

i'm mean? evil? NOooooo.. i'm not. i'm very irritated.

talk on S cube. Survival, Security, Success.

the colonel, just a rank below that of a general, graced my school function.

he said he's been giving boring lectures.

he wants to change and said this, " if u find anything i said remotely funny please laugh."

the entire cohort of JC1s were rolling on the floor, laughing their butts off.

we watched "under one roof " a local show starring the famous TAN AH TECK.

sat with martin.

martin and i asked yu ting for her number.

zx hump tum me.

i the victim of the situation.

went k box singing with Alvin and Jing.

we're all superstars in a 2 X 1m confined room.

normal people who likes to sing outside the room.

ghostly stories alvin encountered on his mission on "finding the ghost" in Singapore poly.

the watertank kinderland boy, the red bridge, and MTL2 malay prayers at night.

returned alvin $$ when i reached home. bill went $79 for 3 in k box.

OH MY GOD.

too busy to entertain romance for my social committments to friends forbids me to do so.

i'm sorry i'm neglecting Jessica & Yee koon.

i've got tests, exams, homework, community involvement hours, NYAA sliver, singing competitions and project work to clear.

i hardly have time for sleep and beloved stupid idiot.

chat with loong loong clears me of my invisible burden i'm carrying always.

I KNOW YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE. THANKS.

don't keep things to yourself. i'm there too. i'll have time. just for you.

{ go to hell } 2:32 PM

Thursday, August 17, 2006

>>> the best gifts-- and my only favourite

Had Swensen's chocolate crunch -choco ice cream with nestle keloggs crispies( i suppose) and generous amount of choco syrup topped with a choco dipped cherry and a choco dipped wafer.

Jia Min called for ring-a-ding-a-ling. -alternate servings of vanilla and chocolate sweet treat with cherry and wafer not dipped in choco syrup plus a fattening cloud of whipped cream decorated by choco freckles ending with a choco syrup at the very bottom.

chit chats and story telling. i did 60 % of the talking. cause i'm a great story teller. i've got loads of pathetic incidents happening around me. and i'm the victim of the situations. of course there's a little bias in my telling but it involved real feelings, real people, and the sufferings of a miserable life.

i have to thank her for listening as well, if not for the consideration of willingness to await me to open up to her, i wouldn't have felt better. thanks for a timely session of meet-up.

she's not the only one. Kai Wei also played a part. A pity she's not available. but i know she loves my stories as much as i loved hers. god-sent friends are the best gift you could ever have. i'm proud to announce i've got two. even if they are the only ones.

if the two of you happen to see this. please cry. i wrote it for our 2 year friendship. not very long but it will last. i will not see any of you in the obituaries of The Straits Times as long as i live for i will feel so grieved to see your faces posted for one-day-of-fame as much as if i see stupid idiot in there. I'm not cursing but instead bringing out the impact you guys will make in my life if you disappeared. i'm touched by how you behave as my friends. nO gossipping, only deserving words of encouragement and generous with your praises.

For you guys i will make my word good. Jia Min i will deliver you your HELLO PANDA treats on monday on our next meet up. And as for Kai, u haven't been as thick-skinned as that idiot but i will have something prepared for you. =). u'll never be left out. none of us will. And if you haven't been happy come to me. i can give you my time as you have given yours.

the flame of friendship never flicker with the passage of time.

{ go to hell } 11:28 PM

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

>>> monotonous routine

day was a breeze.

except for committing criminal offence No.1 in Spencer's class:

Yawning.

He's much more benevolent nowadays.he didn't punish anyone for not bringing text to class. Instead, he just reminded us to bring it the next time round. we're spared from his unique way of punishment--you wouldn't want to know what.

some people gets more irritable by the day without realising it themselves. poor things.

singing sessions in LT 2. after chinese class. the only spice and the only thing nice.

sushi feast in Ichiban in causeway. yay...!!!

{ go to hell } 9:00 PM

>>> annual dinner

had chili crab, sweet and sour fish, bbq chicken wings,

black pepper deer meat, veggies

and a cup of fattening mocha with whipped cream from COFFEE BEAN.

uncle's the birthday boy.

he's getting a new phone N 70.

he's taking pictures of me.

i looked fat.

i can't believe it's me.

i've put on weight i guess.

bt my waist is still the same!!

"down for dieting very soon."

that's what i always say.

i will. ONE DAY.

he tried to resist the temptation. i was glad that he fulfilled his promise. i hope so. i wasn't there to witness. but i wouldn't doubt him either. his credibility is not for me to judge. and my job is to trust.

my temptation for luxury can never be satisfied. my desire for ipods, clothes and blah blah is never appeased. i feel pathetic. but mr lee pointed out in poverty lesson, "not being able to afford an ipod is not considered poor, think of those who lives on less than $1 a day. " at that rate they'll take lightyears to save enough for an ipod. this is the most optimistic outlook of life i've ever come across...

{ go to hell } 12:57 AM

>>> void of motivation

blogging nowadays is like doing daily household chores -- tedious, you never seem to have time for it, and you never want to do it.

lazy. i'm tired to type. or maybe it's just because there's no motivation. i realised how much undone work i've piled up over the weeks and months. i'm lagging behind time. the fact that time never waits scares me. but i'm not doing anything to help myself. i'm still allowing homework to pile up. allowing myself to immerse in the fear that is consuming me, indulging in the luxury of time which i think i have plenty--1 month before promos.

one month is very little time.

what do i want in life? or rather what do i want for myself?

-------------------------------------------------

i'm dreaming of the almost impossible. i'm joining project superstar. but i'm not optimistic of the outcome. i've joined the school singing competition too. i'm a idol wanna-be. because the title of Miss Universe is far too out of reach.

I'm totally kidding.

whatever the case is, i would enjoy fame and $$ that comes along with it. it's a once-in-a-lifetime chance. who wouldn't want it if given the chance? different people, different perspective.

-----------------------------------------------------------

down with PMS. i'm hating my brothers, even my mum. i get angry over the slightest things and i'm glad stupid idiot is still able to put up with it. i'm surprised he could withstand my you-owe-me-a-million look. Very surprised. love and hate him for that

{ go to hell } 12:17 AM

>>>

{ go to hell } 12:17 AM

Friday, August 04, 2006

>>> special thanks

went out at 9pm yesterday. had supper with chew theng.

Ice kachang, mango pudding and Duck meat

simple but tasted heavenly.

wonderful chit-chat with 3-year mate.

but only this 3 year friend of mine was There.

an evening reminiscent of the B.K times

talked of Leonard i saw in the bus interchange today.

thanks for letting me know that i'm not alone,

and thanks for making me realise there's still people who care.

an hour and a half session meet up had made my day.

Real people; real faces; real feelings.

my eyes hadn't blind me.

i see friends and i see foes

Time will show everything

till then it might be too late for you to say u're sorry

{ go to hell } 11:13 AM

>>> Horoscopes speaks of me

LIBRA:
There is a disconnect between what your life is and what you want it to be today.

Are you feeling a bit impatient? There is a powerful momentum coming into your life, but it might be pushing your expectations forward more quickly than reality would warrant. This disconnect between what your life is and what you want it to be doesn't have to cause you any frustration, though. All you need to do is wait; things will come back into sync once you take care of a few chores and day-to-day tasks. Once your days loosen up a bit, the momentum will take over.

dreadful concatenation of events.. ONE AFTER ANOTHER...

the school's fine, just that it's infested with insensitive and selfish people. of course i'm not discrediting the few good ones. but then, even the good ones are only as good when they do not speak.

{ go to hell } 10:52 AM

Thursday, August 03, 2006

>>> people missing; missing poeple

i have...
a myriad of aquaintances, countless friends, some best ones.
but when i need someone. i see nobody. not even Him...

that boils down to one conclusion:

"I CAN HAVE EVERYTHING TO LIVE WITH,

BUT I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR.."

got into a extremely foul mood today.

**3 days ago i was lectured in a coffeeshop by a cleaner. i thought maybe she was just old so i forgave her nosensical speech.

**2 days ago i met this idiotic bud driver who insisted that i have to pay adult fare since i don't have my student pass with me. i ended up paying $1.60 when i can get it at 55cents. I WAS IN SCHOOL UNIFORM!!

**yesterday was coerced to go for this saturday's debate between Raffles and victoria junior college in some hotel.

**today : -accused

-forced again.

-humilated

-scolded

i'm so damned down. i don't think i deserve all this. i'm suffering from terrible self inflicted depression.

i cried at every love song played on the radio,

i'd weep when i think of you.

i think i'm deprived of love.

when will you ever learn to give

the things i should receive?

all of you are tied down by relationships and new friends and distance.

we're all drifting away.

it's like pangyae seperating into the 7 continents it is like today.

so sad, so sorry, dead.

{ go to hell } 8:18 PM