>>> revived




>>>

reading my daily horoscope has been very encouraging.


MY SUBCONCIOUS KNOWS. but my concious knows nothing yet. that explains why i can still be here typing and ranting about my life.

>>> why.why.why.

i'm back to my metaphysical doubting mood. i'm hating life.



>>> )=) -- it's all perspective

have you not taken advantage of me as well? i gave you time, i left you alone, and you just left me alone too. i decided to play silkroad not because i wanted to, it's because it gave me a reason to know you better, and make up for whatever time we are unable to spend together. you did not appreciate it.

i just hope to just say that thing i've always wanted to into your face," i've found the most important guy in my life, but he, unfortunately is not you." i just want to hurt you. let you know how it really feels to be hurt. i want to slap you in front of a crowd, strip you of your ego and whatever is left of your dignity. i want you to feel like you're not a man at all.

--please remove me of my negative karma--


>>> adolescent years are the hardest time in my life

People are diminshing, they are retreating into the background of what remains of my memory. i miss those people. but they had gone to a faraway place where i don't belong. you ran ahead of me, and left me behind. i was deserted. then i decided to back out.

Where are you when i need you most?


>>> agony silenced

it's disgraceful to keep certian things under wraps. second to being pregnant before marriage.

however there are just some things you are not in position to know. you are getting on my nerves, stop asking me why am i feeling down these days. i don't have as much a problem as you are to me. can't you just back off and let me spend my stressful days in peace as i have enough worries to ponder and reflect upon. sometimes i just want to scream and shout and tear off your mouth from your face. i'm developing cruelty intentions of getting you delibrately hurt which might or might not get myself into trouble is not of my concern, but rather, getting you scarred for life as a deterence to stop bugging me, find friends of your own, and get you out of my way is my objective.

we belong to a different world, except that you, unexpectedly, is also given the privilege to walk and run about like humans do, the brain to think, though not as efficient as normal beings do.

i am sorry but i am very very irritated by the fact that i just couldn't bring myself to tell you off nor do any of the above to you. i have a conscience, though what i have typed here is not able to justify this statement, it's enough to note that i have not killed you yet. things you took off my tale seemed so very dirty after your touch. i hoped i could just wipe your finger stains off my stuff immediately, directly into your face, show my disgust towards you. i just can't do it for the fear of breaking your brittle heart. you don';t have friends i understand, but stop scaring MINE away.

when i'm having my time, while you are totally left out, don't come to me because you scare my friends away. i am not obliged to join you whenever you can't find a partner. i dont' mean to do this to you but i no longer feel any ties to you ever since i learned that you have betrayed me. your fucking big gap has spread enough scary , horrible rumours and of which, i managed to trace it back to you. disappointment sets and rooted itself in me, i can't chase it away at all.

it's not of my fault that everything has come to this tragic end. YOU are not my friend.


>>> a series of unfortunate events

tomorrow's agenda.

1. hand in 3000 word report.

2. hand in geog essay.

3.hand in literature essay.

4. hand in chinese composition and comprehension

5. hand in GP comprehension.

6. meet you.

7. go home.

8. miss you.

9. call you.

10. shout your name out loud when i'm dreaming, of you.

>>> it has been a week..

last saturday, 9th of september, went for an audition for PROJECT SUPERSTAR. yes , i really went. woke up at 6.00am, reached there at around 7am in toa payoh HDB hub. i only get to sing at 12pm. i didn't get in, but it wasn't a futile effort. i got to meet new people and i know who are my true friends. especially jing jing!! she woke up soo early !! put on make up for me, take pictures and accompanied me to the toilet!!

Alvin came too, and shuai quan, he bloody came after i was done with audition. Meiyi sang 3 songs, but still went out. they bloody strict !! 3 hours only 1 got in. so in the end, they didn't have enough people i suppose, thus, THEY CALLED MEIYI BACK YESTERDAY!!!! WOOHOO!! THEY ASKED HER TO GO FOR 2ND AUDITION AGAIN TOMORROW!! YEAH!!!

hmm..it was a disheartening week for me. it's just my luck, i wouldn't want to talk about it anymore. but i have to thank wenqi, wendy, martin, zhixiang, hui ying, and everybody else who came to render your support for me. i'm touched. =') However i'm still down. i want to cry it out but i can't. =). and congratz to wenqi and wendy !! they emerged 1st yesterday !! *muacks* and zx, u did great. i sang your praise not because you're my friend, but because you impressed me...

after the competition, we went to burger king to celebrate. Saw nancy !! Swee geok was transferred to yishun's BK.. woo la la~~~ bluff a drink or two out of there.. haha.. kidding.


>>> My apologies

For all those die hard fans of mine, please be patient.

will make a post soon. Soon...

Damn busy... BUSY !!!! Singing competition, 2 geog essays, 2 econs essay, chinese compo and test later on in the later morning, 1 literature essayand tons of english compre ++ chinese compo.....

i'll drop dead soon, Soon...


>>> No Life


Sitting in front of the computer, blog, play games, munch some salty bacon, eat fried fish, check mail, call him, call her, look at bloody homework, throw it aside, watch some videos on you tube, laugh at russell peters, disturb my brother, miss people, crave for a snickers, get angry, feel sad, feel happy when a sudden call comes in, feel angry again, eat, shower, go cousin's house watch "one tree hill" , sing-a-song, play trickster, watch cable shows, cartoon network, nickolodeon, disney channel, chinese serial, go back to sleep, fight with brother, play piano, do some interesting research on "why men just can't satisfy women", "why men seldom talk", watch "buffy", recall the past, curse the future, think about little kids i'm gonna have, think twice about having a child, think about marriage, think about being an haggard old lady, think about being rich, think about silly questions, "what would you do if you had one million", spam people's tag board, regret about wasting time, moan, cry, talk to people, reject some phone calls because you don't want to hear their voices, ............


>>> The Crocodile Hunter

what's the big deal about his death??

yes, it's been on the news, but i hear people mourning over his death every now and then. i'm not that affected but glad that he came up with a line which never fails to entertain my friends and i. we would occasionally exclaim, " She's a beauty." and burst out into laughters. Thanks to him. =)

REST IN PEACE.

>>> Geisha Fanatic





>>> can't i just have a day off??

Later on i've got to go cousin's house, teach him some stuff. o levels coming up pretty soon. VERY SOON, I CORRECT. so is my PROMOS.

during free time, i got to read booKs....

FOR LITERATURE PREPERATION PURPOSES.

i need a break. i want more movie outings. i want to watch serials. i want to buy DVDs. i want to buy BAGS, and ACCESSORIES and CLOTHES.. in a nutshell,

I WANT TO GO SHOPPING.

my friend, did i just got it wrong or did you just lie to me? i am so sad. i hate secrets.

especially those of which you've gotten it right but the truth was denied.

>>> he's not anywhere near that...

read charmaine's blog, omg!! her boyfriend's so sweet lah.



>>> day in the zoo -- 1st sept

woke up fucking early. 7 am. all because of martin. walau. "one tree hill" got me sleeping late. and i wondered.. one tree hill... sounded not very right, thry probably used 3 randomly picked words to give it it's title. i got absolutely no idea..

i was late for like 30mins? sorry guys.. got to really dress up. i know u guys understand.. =)

took 138 there, martin, iris and zhi xiang all so restless, i was there to like make them laugh? my jokes weren't funny, but they still laughed, at my retarded attempt i suppose. nevermind, i still managed to get their day going funny and they enjoyed it. at least they didnt tell me, " if you kept quiet we wouldn't say that you're dumb." thank god it was all appreciated. haha.

OH NO!! MARTIN LOST OUR TICKETS !! went back to take another set. hmm... and i got my Ben & Jerry's. it's a damned $6.50. my breakfast was that. Ice cream. yesh. terrible mans, i've put on weight.

went for animal shows, made stupid remarks about the facts of the animals, fed some kangaroos, taking photos of all of us, avoided martin because he touched a skunk and some weird animals, laughed at chimpanzees slacking on the nets hung high above us, gossipping, teasing the two of them, embarking on a potential route to being a photographer, awed at fucking big fishes and pythons, disguisted by preserved foetuses in crystal clear liquid (i shall find out what liquid is that) that of baby kangaroos, four-legged babies plus a frightening hedgehog with spikes on even when it's a foetus, cried because didn't get to see ah meng, calling out some otters and monkey randomly with our names, exclaiming " hey martin ! how come u've become reduced to this state? " to the animals, found some humour from the sadistic nature of joke, walk, rested, run, sightseeing... drew some emo from recalling the past when we were kids and our very first time to the zoo, saw some related people also in the zoo, brought out our very innocent behaviour once again..

Damned fun. went out of zoo at around 4.30pm.



>>> Happy Teachers Day

That was on thursday, like 2 days ago??

YJC Teacher's day so fun!! ZX sang so well. my idol mans.

didn't go back to school as planned. teachers weren't available. sad case indeed. so in the end, Jing, Jiamin, Kai, Shuai, Xiao Jun and i, 6 of us went down to town. Shopping trip was unfruitful. came back empty handed.

Had real fun though. Dear couz Shuai, was my classmate in secondary school. COOL RIGHT... and i never fail to expose his childhood secrets, and i developed some kind of fetish in revealing HIS secrets. Hahas... He met up with me so excitedly just to show me his new haircut. He cut BOTAK.... and sort of engraved N , Z , X , Y... at the back of his head. but covered it up in his beanie cap. humph...

We went down to town. Yeah, ORCHARD = BORING, but fun once in a while.

Saw a couple of friends at regular intervals.
**on the way to Far East, saw Stella happily munching taiwanese snack.
**Then went into this bikini shop, saw Rebecca and Emmeline.
**Saw Shoanne somewhere in FE.
**And also En Ci and Wan Lian i think, exchanged a few conversations then bade goodbye.
**Lastly, saw Clement, sophia, angela, that 119 group of people lah outside Forever 21.
**and some YJ people i'm not aquainted with, just smiled.

WOW. it's more than COINCIDENTAL.

joked around as usual, bothered by the fact that stupid idiot was unable to make it. but company of 5 was excellent. thanks for being there.

Kai so poor thing, she vomitted in the train. =(. Went back to woodlands around 9 ++pm. sent kai off, making sure she's safely in her dad's car before shuai, jing and i go to some coffee shop to get our dinner settled.

ate Cheese prata, duck rice, mee goreng, and hokkien mee & entertained traditional chinese Ge Tai which was redundant. Gossips and conversations manage to lift my spirits by a whim. it counts alot.

went cousin house to look for my beloved grandma. i told my cousin to lie to her that he brought his girlfriend home. i pretended to be his SHY girlfriend and stayed outside. i allowed my grandma to call out and she said in Hokkien, " hey come in, don't be shy ar... come in". Then i jumped to the door. now she can see me. haha. she burst out in laughter as i gave her the surprise. i find it totally amusing. but more importantly is that my grandma loved my surprises. and i made her laugh.

Went on a serial marathon. watched "One Tree Hill" with cousin shuai. my jaw totally gave way. the characters in the show are so so attractive. so handsome, i almost fainted. I'm totally kidding.

at 12 sth am i received martin's call asking me to go for the zoo trip. i can't turn his invitation down. he sounded so desperate for a partner. he didn't want to be a lamp post tomorrow........ haha..

name:apple mei


wishlist
birthday's on 21st oct..thanks people..*smirks*

l.MP3--at least 4gb and no CREATIVE please

2.a brand new wardrobe( packed with new clothes)

3.wait till i think of stuff

lastly, a stupid idiot 24 hours available for me...



February 2006;
March 2006;
April 2006;
May 2006;
June 2006;
July 2006;
August 2006;
September 2006;
October 2006;
November 2006;
December 2006;
January 2007;
February 2007;
March 2007;
April 2007;
June 2007;
July 2007;
August 2007;
September 2007;
October 2007;