>>> edited

fast post:








>>> OGL CAMP and surprise from koon and jess

fun.

lunch with germaine, hui qing, peggy, rui rong, yan shuang and jing mei was most entertaining. had noodles and duck rice. asked questions of wits and logic.

after that, met up with yee koon and jessica. damn happy la ! jessica hugged me at the sight of me. i was so so so elated. you wouldn't know that kind of feeling. it's like a sister of yours, you haven't seen for 10 years come looking for you now. awww..... sweet ain't it.

we went eating and chatting. glad you guys listened to my stories, it was boring i know, but you guys still listened. and pretended it was interesting. love ya !! haha

koon and jessica ! they visited me ! sending them off in the interchange.

i'm being loved by thousands of people. but i need a little more than what i'm having now.

I NEED THE PERSON I LOVE TO RECIPROCATE. =)

>>>




>>>

overview of malaysia trip :

well, i can't say that it wasn't fun at all, but i can't completely catergorise it as fun, for the fact that i would have no more face to go back to kai wei's house as i had done something to obstruct the sewage system in the toilet bowl. HAHA... EMBARRASSING. i won't say what it is though, it's only known to besties.

this 5 day trip had been successful in lightening my emotional load and trauma i had suffered these past few days. i'm happy that it's getting easier each day to accept reality.

but i'm still deeply hurt. heavily wounded.

on the way to Kai wei's grandma's house, it's a 2 hour journey. i guess it's because of late-night chats on msn with patrick and other people, my shortened night-rest was taking its toll on me. HEADACHE and STOMACH UPSETS reigns my whole being. i'm sick. slept at 2.30am and woke up at 7am the other morning.

a throbbing headache persists.

it's pretty clear cut that headache takes a little visit to me it's because of you.

THINKING OF YOU MAKES MY WHOLE WORLD GO TOPSY TURVY.

i miss you alot there, but there's no reception. too bad. hope you understand. was hoping that you 'd miss me too.

last day, my grandfather took me out for breakfast. i didn't have the appetite to eat it, however, i just had the urge to spend a little more time with him. thus i agreed to go for breakfast despite my poor appetite. i was super touched that after so long, we finally have a chance for grand father-daughter quality time.

he stirred my drink for me, i suddenly felt a heartwarming gush of emotions surge through me. i cried at that simple yet touching gesture showing subtle hints of love and concern.

awww........ i love him so. though we didnt' even exchange conversation for more than 10 times from his house till singapore.

KINSHIP, VERY IMPORTANT.

i returned home these few days, i heard my brothers laugh at some things, i was wondering what were they laughing at. i asked them. they shared the humour.

finally i realised what i'm lacking : quality time with my family.

i'd been outside all the time, ever since my return from china. barely spending my night in my humble domain, where my comfort zone lies. no wonder i feel so insecure whenever i'm out or with strangers i knew for not even 10 years.

maybe i got to leave you.

>>>




>>>




>>> 2nd day in malaysia



>>>




>>>

unable to enjoy myself in malaysia because of all the shit i left behind in singapore, despite bestie kai wei being there for me. my kindness is not being reciprocated, and you are unwilling to accept either. so why bother so much if you have given up?

martin, i miss you so much lar.. come back soon along with my chewing gums. nobody is as perfect as you. he does not care anymore but he seems so disturbed by the things i brought up to him. martin, come back quick ! and i have my problems to share. i need you to listen, a story of 2 gorillas and a few other monkeys. listen and you will know the story. a story of me and him. a relationship getting easier and easier to give up on the more i see his true colours. and a blessing somebody will live to regret when not accepted upon being bestowed.

darn it. you are not the only one. wei loong, your presence is also being appreciated. there are only so many out there who can remain faithful. it's just a pity we're not fated.

got a daily boyfriend. not a flirt i certainly am. guys throw themselves just as girls throw themselves at you. i've learnt not to be jealous but get unaffected the more the lies pile up like mountains. you are not significant to me by the day.

but you were once worth all the trouble. not that you won't get to enjoy the taken-for-granted treatment forever, but with less enthusiasm and sincerity. it's just my way of returning it to you.


>>>




>>> whatever happens

he said he would take care of her and will stay by her

when he was sick she was there...

one day, he was gone, and she felt alone, where is he?

with his friend..

drinking and playing...

is the above a beautiful white lie, or is it a sham? OR another true or dare?

can i trust you? ever again?

OR, AM I WHAT YOU DESCRIBE ME AS? OVERLY SENSITIVE?

I'M JUST AFRAID, HELLO?? =(

>>> i cannot take another torture like this

to my shock, until i've made a desperado SOS to catherine through msn and phone calls, and what seemed a brilliant idea to call your house instead of allowing my thoughts to wander off from the totally off-track stream of thoughts, that i got information from your sister that YOU HAVE FALLEN ASLEEP.

>>> comittments too many




>>> you should have done so earlier (edited) it's a fucking lie la



>>> joking and tearing

4 people cut a cake to 4 equal parts, why are there still one left in the box when each took one?

a murderer did a flawless crime but why the police solved the case still after 1 hour?

ck and ** died beside a piece of broken glass and water, speculate the cause of death.

what can you break without getting reprimanded for?

shandy spents the whole morning washing clothes. but at the end her clothes are still dirty... wHHY????

lame ass , we chatted long enough and it's about time to sleep.

>>> lost faith



>>> glad that i did (edited)




>>> entirely about you




>>> 14 hours before

i have lots of work to catch up on. i have to mend a broken relationship. i have insufficient gifts to give out. i have a cousin to teach. i have insufficient $$ to spend now that i've spent everything there. i have meet-ups to arrange ( big headache) i've got new friends and i've got to make sure i'll keep in touch with them (very often difficult due to many many reasons). i've got china to miss. i've got memories to keep and document for self-keeping sake. i've got china friends to contact and send each other stuffs.

the list goes on.

my mood is not the supposedly happy one after every other holiday but i go home with a sunken face like i've just lost a loved one.

or maybe i just did losing a loved one. it's a terrible feeling.

today when i see everyone's relatives receive them from the airport, i wanted to cry out loud. i called dad. he was working. i could sense the welcoming joy of my return, but he blurted out, " you're coming home by taxi right?"

what else could i say? i just replied with a lazy , " yah" and put down the phone.

how i wish he would put down his work and come fetch me !

but i'm perversely announcing that i'm not alone. sorry to say that but i'm really glad al least hon ren and kai heng are another few lonely souls deeply saddened by the cruel fact of having no one to receive us.

wendy even got a fan club !!! her friends came to fetch her!! there i stood in front of the departure hall, sadly waving to people i don't even know, pretending to have relatives and friends out there waiting for me until the crowd is all gone.

three lonely souls lay there in disappointment, an urge to cry and engaging in deep thought, " where are all our friends and relatives?"

we went for mac donalds breakfast and went home together in a cab. my mom said she's got the intention to fetch me but i did not tell her when i'm coming back.

true enough. my bad.

dad welcomed me back cooking a sumptuous breakfast for me. i bought stuffs for siblings. they weren't happy about my return though. another person fighting over e computer with them.

-_-''

the more i talked about it, the more affected i am. i shall stop here. i shall rest more. recuperate from all the blows i had for today.

i can't take it anymore.

martin, zhi xiang, i missed you guys.

jing jing, kai wei, jia min, i hoped you guys were there with me. china trip was super fun.

koon and jessica, i know you guys missed me alot just as i have towards both of you. thanks for bothering to be the firsts to welcome me as soone as i've reached singapore. and thankful that koon went to the airport and talked to me. i am touched.

huiqing, we shall have fun again.

jeslyn, xiuling, honren, kaiheng, shengyi, i'm glad you guys were in the trip. you guys rocks !

wei loong, i thought of you during the trip. :)

all others : i'm back! in a piece! but i'm still sad. give me time to rest me mind and soul. for my absence seemed nothing to you.

deeply affected.

name:apple mei


wishlist
birthday's on 21st oct..thanks people..*smirks*

l.MP3--at least 4gb and no CREATIVE please

2.a brand new wardrobe( packed with new clothes)

3.wait till i think of stuff

lastly, a stupid idiot 24 hours available for me...



February 2006;
March 2006;
April 2006;
May 2006;
June 2006;
July 2006;
August 2006;
September 2006;
October 2006;
November 2006;
December 2006;
January 2007;
February 2007;
March 2007;
April 2007;
June 2007;
July 2007;
August 2007;
September 2007;
October 2007;