>>>

something bad happened tonight. i swear i never want to hear it ever again in my life. and not that i'm pessimistic, but i feel that i can never be able to laugh again.

my cries can never be audible to normal people, and what i'm experiencing is not something normal people will go through. it's serious enough to force me to contemplate suicide, but i'm sensible enough to know it's not gonna help the situation. i hope my dad will make a pact with me to jump off the building together though, because he is my only worry.

i hoped i hadn't retained, for time is very important to me. i hope hon ren will reply my messages now though i know he is asleep. i just talked to him. he sounded very nice. he tried to provide a solution to it, it helped. but he hadn't replied. maybe he's gonna shut me off his life from now onwards.

u might wonder what is so serious. try pointing a gun at me but i still won't say. because i think it's a disgrace. unless i feel like sharing. i start to hate myself, for being so superficial. i hate myself that i think everybody in the world is nice. now i realise, it's just the surface. i failed to see the fugly side of humanity, utterly hideous.

i hate money. money makes people change. it alters the benign nature of humans, turning friends to foe, family to enemy. i t impacts greatly on the way people perceive of things. it is the most influencing thing in the world other than yawning. let me reiterate, i hate money.

i don't hate them for saying such hurtful things. they are not wrong. their assumption isn right either. maybe they shouldn't have accuse people. maybe they should have just discussed.

i miss my home, my maid, my rooms, my car, my toys, my piano teacher, my primary school, my life. it's now so out of reach. it's a distant memory fading faster than i imagined.

now i stay in a house, my mom, a storeroom, a toy car, notes, no piano teacher, YJC, great friends but life has no substance.

i can see myself in the near future struggling to put on the extra pounds rather than losing em'. i know what i have to do. i must do.

name:apple mei


wishlist
birthday's on 21st oct..thanks people..*smirks*

l.MP3--at least 4gb and no CREATIVE please

2.a brand new wardrobe( packed with new clothes)

3.wait till i think of stuff

lastly, a stupid idiot 24 hours available for me...



February 2006;
March 2006;
April 2006;
May 2006;
June 2006;
July 2006;
August 2006;
September 2006;
October 2006;
November 2006;
December 2006;
January 2007;
February 2007;
March 2007;
April 2007;
June 2007;
July 2007;
August 2007;
September 2007;
October 2007;