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i asked myself, why do i cry? i cannot answer that, but i don't know, i think i've hurt hon ren. i 've done him wrong. i made him lose faith. i thought it was his fault, but i think it's a little too late for realising my misunderstandings towards me.


his consideration, capacity to forgive and forget towards me was so great i hate myself for not being able to realise it earlier. hon ren had done so much, he had put away his dignity and ego, to pacify me, to make me happy, he'd do anything to satisfy me, but all i did was to just deny his efforts to change his attitude.

here's a list of what i've done wrong:
i've shouted at him in front of everybody, i didn't talk to him when he tried to communicate with me, i left him alone most of the time and rather give my attention to my friends, when he asked me to teach him piano i said he was to slow to learn and i taught kai heng instead, i stopped writing cards for him when i thought he didn't deserve me, i stopped calling him sometime ago, i keep hanging up on him, i purposely don't wanna pick up his call, and so many other things i expeced him to do but i never realise that he had his way of expressing himself.

ginny and arisa told me hon ren was different, he didn't grow under that kind of environment where friends were so willing to give, he dosen't know how to say thanks. but i still required him to do that. he had said "thank you" just by showing me attention everyday, he's a kind of an introvert, but not really one, he's just, how do i put it, different.

i realised i loved him more than i do. previously i was telling everyone how good i felt about ditching hon ren, but it was all because it lied on the assumption that he still had feelings for me. but that very fateful day, i forced it out of him, he said that it somehow faded, my whole world began crushing down on me, i was suicidal, i have nothing to live for. it took me 7 months to realise i loved him more than i think i do.

if i ever do anything stupid, please understand it takes me an even higher level of courage to do it.

to honren : if we were sill together, we'd be 8 months :)

name:apple mei


wishlist
birthday's on 21st oct..thanks people..*smirks*

l.MP3--at least 4gb and no CREATIVE please

2.a brand new wardrobe( packed with new clothes)

3.wait till i think of stuff

lastly, a stupid idiot 24 hours available for me...



February 2006;
March 2006;
April 2006;
May 2006;
June 2006;
July 2006;
August 2006;
September 2006;
October 2006;
November 2006;
December 2006;
January 2007;
February 2007;
March 2007;
April 2007;
June 2007;
July 2007;
August 2007;
September 2007;
October 2007;